PW: Butt Cooked
by OddballPunk
Summary: Lucy teaches Natsu a valuable lesson about personal space.


DISCLAIMER: I'm only responsible for my own stupidity.

PW: Butt Cooked

Perpetrator: Lucy

Victim(s): Natsu

OBJECTIVE: Lucy teaches Natsu a valuable lesson about personal space.

Small shoulders lift in a heavy sigh as an empty wallet was snapped shut. _So much for the rainy day fund._ Lucy looks over the subtle changes to her small apartment with a satisfied smile. If she could really pull this off then the money spent would definitely be worth working her cute little rear off for the next few weeks to make rent and to pay the back bills for heating.

She knows that Natsu is currently at the guild with Happy causing some mischief or another so she moves about the last stages of her plan with a light unrushed step. She cranks the heater up to a sweltering 95 degrees; she knew that doing so would help hide a particular smell from the animal-like dragon slayer. An angry blush rages across her cheeks as she recalls the last time she had scolded the dunderhead about not mentioning sniffing certain smells and announcing it to the public at large.

The ceramic bowl of low-burning embers is slammed down on the table to relieve some of her frustrations. She hears a small _tink_ against her window and freezes. A worry that her target had already shown up blows through her mind before she grins hugely at the little bird that had cozied up to her warm window pane. She stops and smiles a bit at the little thing, thinking sweet thoughts of Natsu which sets a pot of guilt weed in her stomach to burn. Then a quick look toward the charred remains of some underwear (the punk had a pension for digging in her underwear drawer—if it was anyone else she might accuse them of being a pervert but "clueless" Natsu didn't mean any harm), and the charitable thoughts she had vanished in a haze of "time to get that little fire fuck" .

"And there!" Lucy smiles up at one of the hidden viewing lacrima scattered about her apartment. She taps the receiver in her palm twice to start the recording and grabs her gear. She double checks the window to make sure it was unlatched and heads out to the guild hall. "Trap is set. Just have to wait for the nosy animal to take the bait." She hums happily.

xXx

Natsu peeks into Lucy's apartment with a sneaky grin. After scoping out the scene inside, he opens a far window which was thankfully left unlatched. He hops into the empty room, very glad that Lucy was nowhere to be found. That'd make the surprise he was leaving for her that much better because she would happen upon it and be so overjoyed.

Still keeping an ear toward the door, Natsu sneaks forward into the main area of the room. He pays the raised temperature no particular attention (after all he was used to dealing with hotter things). He goes over to Lucy's desk and places down a thick envelope. In his messy scrawl the message "sorry for the mess; let me know if you need more to help –Natsu" was written on the outside of it.

Unbeknownst to his booby friend, Natsu had been running around all of Magnolia trying to find any job he could to make enough money to help pay for the things that he had burned. He knew that that prank had gone too far, and this was his way to apologize.

"Just hope this helps her forgive me quicker. I miss that weirdo going on missions with me and Happy." He pouts a bit as he thinks about losing Lucy's friendship over a dumb prank that had been meant for minty butt in the first place.

As if the thought called him, Gray coughs out a cloud of dust as he crawls out of the fireplace. [How big is that damn flue or how cat-like is that stripper?] Natsu had caught the flash of black with the color of bare skin before Gray noticed him. Already upset about making Lucy mad at him, Natsu lops a small fire ember at the seat of Gray's boxers, the rest of his clothes had been lost on the roof and inside the flue. Gray doesn't immediately notice the small but growing fire on his backside because the temperature of the room is sweltering, and he's silently wondering where his clothes have run off to again. However, a flash of recognizable salmon pink catches his eye as he turns around to eye Natsu—the fire on his butt still goes unnoticed.

Natsu takes a step toward Gray feeling slightly pissed off at the minty butt who was the reason Lucy was mad at him. He huffs out an irritated puff of smoke as he eyes Gray. But this is all soon forgotten as he spies the slow burning embers on the room's main table. Natsu whoops and instantly thinks Lucy has forgiven him to leave him the treat he loved best. Meanwhile, Gray is finally noticing something is being cooked.

"Hey what's that smell?" He sniffs around and looks over his shoulder. The words that come out his mouth next shall be edited because they were very descriptive about how he was going to deal with Natsu for setting his ass on fire. The fire dragon slayer grins smugly from his perch at the table as he listens to Gray bluster from the bathroom where he hastily plugs the bathtub up with paper towels and runs an ice cold shower.

"You son of a bitch!"

"Hey my dad ain't a dog! He's a dragon, numbnuts."

"Ice Make…Ice Spike!" A row of icy spikes springs up from the floor despite the heat in the apartment.

Natsu leaps away from the table as the spikes rip through the chair he had been sitting in. He growls at Gray an instant before he springs into the bathroom. Within the bathroom there are the sounds of the usual brawl and breaking things along with splashes of water as Gray forgot to turn off the shower.

As the two whack at each other's heads in the bathroom, they fail to hear the front door opening. Erza calmly walks into the noisy apartment carrying a small cake box in her hand. She immediately goes over to the thermostat to turn the heat down; then makes her way over to the window to open it to let out the stifling air. So engrossed in her tasks of making everything homey for herself, she continues to be clueless to fist brawl happening under her noise. After all she does have strawberry cake on her brain so she gets a small pass for ignoring the boys' usual stupidity. The cake which she had set on the bed when she climbed on top of it to close the window begins to slowly melt into a pile of cakey ooze. The weight on the bed had been the trigger for the trap Lucy had set for Natsu.

The bed drops the illusion spell that had been wrapped around it, and shows it's true nature…a huge molten barbeque rests where the blonde's bed usual did. For a split second, Erza wonders why her legs felt unreasonably hot before she gives that cute tiny 'kya!' and jumps up, smacking her head against the ceiling. She lands unceremoniously on the thing her butt face down against the hot surface.

The two brawlers stick their bruised noises out into the main living area to see what the source of that girlish squeak was. The color drains completely from their faces as they see the state that Erza is currently in and the murderous aura that has automatically surrounded her. Currently roasting ass aside, Erza snarls like a very pissed off harpy as she calls in a war hammer. It occurs to her that something is terribly wrong a second later when she squeaks again. This time landing face first on the floor her torched rear end presented in the air flashing everyone in Lucy's apartment with her brand new ruined lacy underwear.

Natsu and Gray don't notice that, however, as they shrink back into themselves clutching at each other like lifesavers against the wrath of an oncoming typhoon that they couldn't get out of the way of.

"GRAY! NATSU! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

xXx

Down the street at the guild hall, Lucy shudders and cringes when the explosions and screaming roars shake the place to its very foundations. "Oh no…no no no…I didn't just hear that. I didn't just hear that."

"Lucy, you're making juice again," a helpful Happy points out.

"I…I didn't just hear that." Lucy covers her ears and repeats this mantra over and over again to herself as the majority of the guild rushed out to see what the hell was going on.

Several days later…

Erza, on her stomach and currently sporting a wrapped backside, eyes her two roommates in the medic room evilly. While she wouldn't be able to sit for a while, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her voice which she used like frostbite against the balls to make sure the two completely wrapped up idiots in full traction heard her clearly.

"You will rebuild Lucy's entire apartment building. You will replace all of Lucy's things. After that you will be doing more chores for Lucy until I deem you are finished for trying to pull such a nasty prank on her. Have I made myself clear?" When Erza was pissed, she didn't have to raise her voice to get her point across.

The two traction mummies mumphed an enthusiastic "Aye, sire!" even though they were both completely clueless as to why they were in so much trouble for something they couldn't remember doing in the first place. The forgotten memory they were blaming on massive head trauma.

"On behalf of those involved, Lucy, I sincerely apologize; for now you may hit me to make upfor the shame that has been brought upon you."

Lucy clutches a weakly punning Plue tighter to herself, unintentionally strangling the poor thing. She laughs nervously and doesn't dare tempt fate by wondering how the hell she had come out to be the innocent party in all of the misadventure. Yes best not to tempt fate when Erza was THAT level of mad.

"Don't…don't mention it, Erza. It was nothing at all. Just a joke that got out of hand." She laughs nervously and continues to strangle Plue while Happy seems to eye her knowingly wondering if he can get some fish.


End file.
